Below Belief

Ethan Watters writes a fascinating book on Urban Tribes – about our generation and the reasons why we are delaying marriage. In it, I found this piece which, while it rings far too many bells and makes me feel thoroughly ashamed to be male, also needs to be written down and bourne in mind next time this situation arises. I feel sure it is possible to rise above the shallow seediness with which we seem to be programmed…

• There exists a depressing reality behind the cliche that men are often grossly inarticulate in situations where they are expected to talk about their feelings and expectations for a relationship
• Men think that the early stage of a relationship (the point at which routine sexual access is achieved with the lowest possible commitment of time, resources and personal energy) is a fine place for a relationship to remain indefinitely
• A man tends to overestimate his importance to a woman at the moment when she asks him to assess the relationship. Simply put: At these moments, men often assume that the woman has fallen in love with him.
• Men overrate the value of their affection – regardless of its quality, consistency or certainty.
• Men’s tendency towards grandiosity combined with their inability to articulate their intentions reveals them to be the most reprehensible of cowards. Surely, if men so readily perceive themselves to be the be-all and end-all at the moment when their girlfriend wants to know what’s going on in a relationship, shouldn’t that grand self-conception carry along with it some responsibilities for addressing the situation with candor, clarity and honour?
• Men often ride along in romantic relationships with one hand on the doorhandle. This fearlessness of momentum leads them to perform all manner of foolishness, including dangerous stuntman-like dives out of high-speed romances as well as more comical leaps from relationships yet to leave the driveway.