Fine architecture by sunset

I love Scotland. I had the fortune to spend a year working in Glasgow in 2002/3 and had a fabulous time there. I was lucky enough to be back in the North this weekend to spend time catching up with friends Chris and Rhian and their new lives in Edinburgh.
The weather could not have been better – those beautiful cold light-blue low-sunlit skies which seem to be Scottish trademarks. We banished the cobwebs with a vigorous walk up Arthur’s Seat and a tour round the city on Saturday. We ended up watching a live gig of The Mars Patrol at Whistle Binkies and heading over to a “bad taste fancy-dress party” at the flat of one of Chris’ course mates.
Not keen on what turning up in my normal clothes to a bad taste party was indicating about my dress sense, I was grateful that, upon entrance, a bag of terrible charity clothes was duly passed around. Feeling oddly more comfortable having donned a blue cotton dress and 80′s crop top (over my shirt and jeans), and Chris looking fetching in a gold off-the-shoulder number, we were pretty glad there were no cameras. Nor people that knew me, come to mention it.

A view over the Forth

On Sunday a cycle ride out to Cramond on the coast and breakfast outside in the cold sunshine was just what the doctor ordered and necessary to justify the previous night’s over-indulgence and the need to keep the weekend Health Neutral ®.
The weekend was apparently sponsored by (or at least washed down with) Deuchars IPA and some very fine eating was enjoyed at The Apartment.

See VentureBlog for a fascinating discussion on the Internet and the “death of the 80/20 rule”.
It’s an idea which is gathering momentum as people everywhere realise that since the Internet reduces transaction and sales costs to virtually nothing that profitable business can be done on the long-tail. In blogging terms, 1 million sites with a 1,000 users is far bigger (and more profitable) than 100 sites with a million users. It’s happening already in all markets: Amazon makes all of its profit selling titles outside of the top-selling 100,000 titles. It has no competition there but great reach.
The internet is great for “disintermediation” – reducing the costs for a large number of small players; eBay being the prime example – allowing millions of people to trade to an audience they could never achieve alone.
That’s where we’re all going. Individuals and niche markets. The company I work for is going there too. Sooner than we think.

A set of comedy excerpts from classified newspapers, supposedly “real” but I suspect actually part of a clever viral marketing campaign.
What are they advertising though?
You can see the full set here.

Simon told me recently about a couple of sites I wasn’t aware of which are doing something rather impressive and quite timely. They are trying to open up our democratic processes using the power of the internet – forcing, in some cases, MPs to recognise that in our connected society its possible to have a more open, transparent democracy.
Fax Your MP is a service which takes democracy to the MPs. Set up because some MPs wouldn’t accept emails and, this being patently ridiculous, a bunch of volounteers have created a service which will send faxes to them instead from an email you type on the site.
TheyWorkForYou is a tool which allows searching, viewing and commenting on the archives produced from the House Of Commons. It also provides performance data on every MP in the country – for example how many votes they attend and how often they toe the party line in direct votes. What a great idea.
Perhaps these will enable us to be slightly less apathetic about politics?

I went to university at Girton College, Cambridge University. Girton is therefore seared into my memory and those of my friends as a wonderful place where we grew up and had a lot of laughs. Since we all left and moved to London (mainly), James Casey produced a regular monthly spoof-newsletter called “The Girtonian”, editions of which were sent by royal mail to each Girtonian and were excitedly waited-for and pored over all over London. As time went on the jokes got a bit too close to the bone and some of the more fragile members of the group began to become a little frustrated at Mr Casey.
One rainy Sunday afternoon I decided to put a shot across his bows and created a spoof of the spoof to suggest that The Girtonian had been taken over by new Management and Mr Casey had been shut down… here’s the evidence.

• December 2001, The Girtonian (as zip)
• December 2001, The Girtonian (as Word doc)

Whilst it was commended amongst the readership, I’m not sure I’m that proud of this as it had the unintended effect of stopping Mr Casey from continuing his editorship – I guess I had knocked his position. I was genuinely disappointed because I loved the Girtonian.
We received a new episode just before Christmas 2004 so perhaps there is still hope.

Let me explain, because this is a long post. But it makes me laugh.
A couple of years ago I set up a website, beautifulmood.com. I did it for fun, mostly, an escape from a job which I felt trapped in. I was living away from home in Glasgow (which I love) but I had evenings to waste and needed a project. Despite the obvious purpose of the site (to sell photos – which is nigh on impossible on the net), the hidden purpose was actually to sell the website I’d built (and my development skills) to other photographers who needed a decent-looking, transactional photo gallery. Broadly, it worked, I’ve sold a few projects off the back of it and been in touch with some interesting people. It’s never moved into the mainstream of my work but always been a quiet comfort and showcase of my work – “I did that”.
When I launched the website, I began to get very strange email enquiries from mysterious people. I lay them out here in all their glory for it caused me much hilarity in the end when I discovered the perpetrator was none other than Mr James Casey, a friend and comedy writer and musician of merit.

The Famous Fisherman

Oh, hello, I was browsing idly along on the World Wide Web in the European style, and imagine my surprise when lo and behold I find a photograph of my old home on your website, titled ‘The Fairytale Castle’ with the legend ‘The famous fisherman’s bastion on the hill in Budapest summons up stories of old and maidens in distress.’
As you will have guessed by now, I am the famous fisherman – ‘fame’ to my friends, or ‘fishy’ to a select few (of which there are many) – and it did my old heart a power of good to see the stones of that blessed bastion once more. It certainly summoned up a fair few stories of old and maidens in distress, I can tell you.
One such maiden was my betrothed, Magda Patrek, and Lord was she in distress. So much distress, that woman wound herself up into, distressing about this, distressing about that, always laying it on thick with the distress. I really can’t begin to communicate to you the amount of distress we’re talking about here. I said to her, “Magda,” I said – I thought it appropriate given it was her name – “Magda,” – I repeated – “We’ve got to do something about that distress of yours. It’s driving me up the bleeding bastion.”
Unfortunately it later transpired that Magda didn’t like the way I stank of fish all the time – bastions of old being generally ill-fitted with washing facilities – and that was the primary source of her much-publicised distress. She left me for a Jehovah’s Witness called Istvan and I later heard they had joined a hippy commune and lived a life of debauchery.
The Famous Fisherman

Dr. Yoda Van Battenburg

Hello
I notice you have on your Beautiful Minds web site a photograph of a
lioness.
Please could you tell me where and when the photograph was taken. You see, I
lost a lioness about five years ago and she looked very much like the one in
your photograph.
I would appreciate it if you would reply to this e-mail, or telephone me (I
will pay for the call). I can be reached at the following numbers:
Main office: +255 4716 111
Secondary office if main office is flooded: +255 4716 232
Tertiary office if secondary office generator doesn’t work: +255 4716 331
Cellular phone: +255 7741 3212
Satellite telephone: +255 8413 922
Home: +255 4726 912
Tanzania Safari Centre Reception: +255 4944 632
Tanzania Safari Centre Lion Enclosure: +255 4944 655
Tanzania Safari Centre Staff Quarters: +255 4944 636
Tanzania Ministry for Wildlife: +255 4814 762
My girlfriend’s home: +255 4727 491
My girlfriend’s parents’ home: +255 4727 566
My friend Younussi’s home: +255 4726 944
My next-door neighbor’s home: +255 4726 922
Home of a woman I met during a drunken rampage in downtown Dar es Salaam
three months ago: +255 2814 785
‘The Saucy Pigmy’: +255 4716 724 (ask for Captain Battie)
With many thanks for your assistance,
Dr. Yoda Van Battenburg

Don Duong

Dear Beautiful Moods.com,
Regarding your photograph, “Man on a bicycle Vietnam”, that is me in the
photograph. I am the famous Vietnamese actor, Don Duong, and I own all image
rights and likenesses within Vietnam and, by your publication of this
picture, you are breaching international copyright rules.
Please send me your legal details so I can sue you.
Don Duong

Bert Filth

Dear Sir/Madam,
Re. the offer to exhibit works by other photographers.
I have a comprehensive portfolio of photographs featuring women in the buff. The pictures are in varying degrees of taste and have been in high demand on a variety of websites but unfortunately these have been forced to close down.
I like the theme and approach of your organisation and suggest you could link to my prints from the main page via a link named ‘Beautiful Hardcore Explicit Nekkid Chicks’.
I can send you samples for your approval.
Bert Filth

Rev. Zachary Flamethrower

Dear Beautiful Mood Webmaster,
Mercy!
I was stunned to discover the ‘Footprints’ photograph on your website at the
following reference:

http://www.beautifulmood.com/index.php?cPath=108&products_id=902&pageID=product_info.php

As a man of the Lord I was trembling at my keyboard for three hours as I
realised the implications of this image captured for all time by your
photographer.
Hallelujah! Please could you send me details of how to get a huge, I mean
gargantuan, copy of this picture. I intend to ascertain what size shoes God
wears, and if possible, what brand He favors.
Testify! I note from the shape of the imprint that this picture will well
and truly scotch the feminist claim that God is a woman! Unless She is a
woman who wears Men’s Shoes. Which leads us into all sorts of scary
territory.
I am indebted to you for your charity.
Rev. Zachary Flamethrower

Trac Nguyen

But sir!
We see from National Papers that you are to be sued by beloved actor Don Duong, so we look at picture on your site, and others of Vietnam, and look what we see!
You put image on website of venerated Hoi An temple, and add sarcastic comment that “you can almost hear the monks sweeping the floors”.
I am one of monks belong to Hoi An temple and you can NEVER hear us sweep the floors! We use unique Vietnamese broom design which is BEST IN WORLD and NOT MAKE single sound! It is revolutionary and I believe the Dyson Company are interested.
We win Pan-Vietnam Silent Sweeping Contest for PAST SEVENTEEN YEARS! I specially am quiet sweeper and pad my shoes with COTTON WOOL so you cannot even hear my feet as I sweep the holy floor.
I appreciate you are stupid westerner, and as your western saying has it, ‘to err is human, to umm is also human’, but I must tell you we monks are most offended by your insinuation that it is even remotely possible that any sound of sweeping can be heard.
We are peaceful monks but if we see your mangey hide back in Hoi An we will fuck you up righteously.
Trac Nguyen

Then the bombshell that finished it off…

I suspected James by the end of all this and sent him the mail below, his response was telling…
Message date : Aug 22 2003, 03:12 PM
From : Tim
To : James Casey
Copy to :
Subject : Fw: The Lord will GLORIFY Beautiful Mood.com
James
I may be being overly presumptuous here but do you happen to know anything about the email below or others like it…? Just barking up blind alleys…
Hope you’re well
T

You’ve just *totally* spoiled my fun. I had about three more days’ worth.

…and the high knowledge of removing problems from people.

Innocently walking around Shepherd’s Bush, London (that’s where I live) last weekend, a small, quiet man handed me this white card.
What a fabulous discovery – that such a complete personal service is offered IN JUST 7 DAYS by a man gifted at solving problems. And to have such a talented man living so close by is a relief. Next time I need someone to be breaking Black Magic and Evil Spirits in just 48 hours, I’m going to give Mr Khalid a call.
Fearful of giving Mr Khalid too much publicity, lest his powers should leave him if he becomes popular, I had to obscure the contact details. Let me know if you need me to put you in touch.